In the future we'll all be gay
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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