I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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