Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize