Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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