dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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