He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
