Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
