Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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