I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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