I could make wine with my vomit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
