Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize