my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
