Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He better not be in your backpack
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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