you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I believe in your delicious
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
