the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
