She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
