I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
