ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
