I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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