Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
