Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
