The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize