I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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