I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
