To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
