i just had sex bonerless
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
