ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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