Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
