I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
