Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize