Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
