You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
