Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize