If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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