Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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