does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
