im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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