so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
