There was a lot of him and a little penis
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
