I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
