eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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