wat bout pragnant strippers??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
