So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize