if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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