oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Pooping to opera.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
