man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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