it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
