How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
