Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize