can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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