HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
