Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
