oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
