I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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