I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
