high people should be assigned attendants
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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