Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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