I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
