she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
