What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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