At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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