i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
