went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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