My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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