in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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