So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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