I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm at about main and main street
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
