his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize