fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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