dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
