thus making me awesome and them whores
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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