it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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