last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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