Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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