So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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