You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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