It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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