My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
