I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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