proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
