OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
