WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
