What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
