last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
