Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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