i think my mom watched the whole time
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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