i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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