she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
