just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
