Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize