I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
