shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
