I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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