RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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