why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
