Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
