he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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